Marrying an extrovert: on connecting with fellow humans
What I learned from marrying an extrovert and a photo series on surrounding yourself with people
It’s 11am on a Sunday. It’s my me time. It’s the time I use to recharge from being social for two days in a row. My girlfriend at the time, Solene, now promoted to wife, just finished a phone call. I ask her a simple question: how many new people do you speak to each week? She goes inside her extrovert brain for a second and gives me a mind-blowing answer.
It’s in that moment that I realize the extent of her extroversion. I expect her answer to be higher than my own estimate of 3, but not this… My mind is racing with more questions. What do you tell all these people? Where do you even find them? And then I start to see the difference: she sees shareable stories where I see mundaneness. She sees opportunities to connect where I see reluctance.
It’s a big turn of events for me to have a newsletter. I barely know how to give news. My grandfather was often confused when he asked me “what’s new?” and I replied “nothing”. How could there be nothing new? So many things are happening all the time. In Solene’s world, there is always something new.
Today, I am sharing 2 things I learned from marrying an extrovert, along with a photo series inspired by surrounding yourself with others.
People first & infinite curiosity
Solene’s instinct is always people oriented. If she has a project in mind, she starts by thinking about the people who have done similar things so she can ask for their advice (she is not “google first”). This works for her because she is genuinely curious about people’s stories.
That curiosity is captured by a word from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows: Sonder. John Koenig, the creator of the dictionary defines it as follows:
Sonder n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own —populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground
We once went to a t-shirt store together. I stepped into the changing room 5 minutes only to came out to find the saleswomen showing Solene photos of her wedding and children.
Share the mundane
Introverts, like myself, love to think of themselves as deep thinkers who only speak about grand ideas. Sometimes it feels like anything short of going to space is not newsworthy or shareable. Seeing Solene’s extrovert brain operate has taught me to embrace sharing the smaller things.
After all, it’s more appropriate to break the ice talking about the weather before diving into your existential crisis.
Sonder is one of those terms that has fascinated and haunted me ever since I heard of it.
This is your best one yet :) Gives me a super interesting perspective on why people "share the mundane" and why it's not such a bad thing!